208 - Trust
Transmission Log - Orestes
Author: Green
Date: October 2 2195 (Earth Standard Time)
Maybe I am going crazy after all. I guess almost a quarter of a century of digging a hole to nowhere will do that to a guy.
Well, two holes to be exact. I had to abandon the first dig site after I hit an impenetrable layer 600m down. The second hole is now at 2 km and counting.
It’s slow work. I can only drill about 1m a day. It takes about 6 hours for the drill to get that far, then I spend another 6 hours prepping the hole for the next day. I clear out debris, construct scaffolding for a little elevator to go up and down, and maintain the drill. It’s tedious, and sometimes I don’t have the energy to go out there, especially these days. I’m beginning to feel my age.
Sometimes I’ll take months and months off from the work. Eventually, I realise there isn’t much else to do around here, so I go back to it. I have nightmares about the elevator breaking down and getting stuck at the bottom. It’s so dark down there.
Anyway, I’m thinking that maybe it’s not such a good way to spend your life after all. I think the stress and repetition has gotten to me, because I started a huge argument with Olive yesterday.
I still can’t get the image of her as Ruby out of my mind. I started interrogating her about it, as if she was Ruby. I forgot she was my daughter, just for a few moments, but they were enough to destroy an irreplaceable bond. Eventually the interrogation turned violent. I shouted at her and even grabbed her hard by the arm when she tried to leave. I feel so ashamed about that now. I dragged her to her room and started tearing it apart looking for a secret QEC transmitter. She was sobbing the whole time.
Eventually the rage subsided, but the damage was done. I can’t even look her in the eye anymore. I feel okay now, and I can look back on the whole thing as a fugue state, but I know she’ll never trust me fully again. I don’t blame her. I can no longer trust myself in this place.
Sent via the QEC